Creating Positives
Positve Mindset – Positve Action – Positive Future
How to “eliminate” your enemies.
Is there someone in your workplace that you don’t like or trust?
Do they cause anxiety in you, or cause you to expend too much energy worrying what they are doing or saying? You cannot perform at your best if you are distracted by what you perceive of others.
If you are to function properly and allow your real self to shine through then you must “eliminate” your enemies.
Eliminate (Def): “To nullify someone as a factor or cause an activity to come to an end”
Abraham Lincoln once said:
“I do not like that man, I must get to know him.”
First, you must understand where these feelings come from; Did somebody else tell you not to trust them? Did they say or do something that belittled you? Do they even know that they cause you to be anxious? Is it possible that they see the situation differently?
Understanding conveys clarity; Clarity begets action!
Next, you must let go the past and forgive if necessary. You cannot move forward without forgiveness. If you cannot forgive then it will eat you up inside; the other person may not even be aware, and may carry on as normal, which will make it even harder to swallow. You cannot wait for them to apologize first, you must For(e)-give; giving first without expectation of return. When you have let go of feelings generated by perceived (or actual) wrongdoings then it is time to meet the challenge head on.
If you truly moved on from past animosity during the previous step then you will harbour no ill will toward the other and it is time to get to know them better. It doesn’t have to be a semi-formal coffee chat, you may find that opportunities will arise spontaneously now that you have made a conscious choice to move forward. Create the opportunity for them to talk. Try to understand what motivates them, what they believe they need to succeed. Concentrate on your similarities not your differences -unless your differences compliment each other. Allow them to understand your motivations and needs also.
“Seek first to Understand; Then to be Understood”
Stephen Covey
You do not have to agree with everything that they say and there may be times where you wonder if it’s all worth it, but remember how you felt before this started and you will know that you are doing the right thing.
I am not suggesting you turn all of your enemies into life-long friends but creating a greater understanding of them will extinguish the anxiety you previously felt.
Of course if you really want to destroy your enemies then we return to another quote by Abraham Lincoln:
“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”
You may also come across that person who – for whatever reason- will not even try to quiet the discord and will continue to disrupt the workplace. For those people, you control their effect on you and you may choose another definition of eliminate:
“To reject as trivial or irrelevant; omit from consideration.”
Life is too short for negativity, be positive and you will attract positive people!
Refocus Your Mirror
What do you see in the mirror first thing every morning?
Do you see a tired, worn-out person?
Stuck in the Rat-Race, dreading another day at work.
Or do you see a Lion?
Confident in your abilities and ready to face the day with pride!
We are told that what you focus on is what you get!
How you start your day, will frame your day!
If you start with fear and worry; you will attract negative people and experiences.
If you start with enormous energy, high self-efficacy and personal respect; this will carry you through the day and you will be ready to seize the best opportunities as they arise.
Choose what you see in the mirror, Choose what you focus on.
Choose how you face the day, and choose a better life!
Vehicles of Estrangement!
Why is it that when people get behind the wheel of a car they believe that they are suddenly immune from the rules of a civil society? The windows go up, the stereo goes on and people think they are anonymous so rules of civility are forgotten.
I live in a small town and I was riding my push bike along a reasonably busy road when I stopped at a traffic light. On the other side of the road the lights turned green and a young woman went to move but her car was obviously having trouble. The first reaction of the traffic behind her was to beep their horns and yell abuse. The woman, who was now clearly distressed, put on her hazard lights but the traffic still honked and yelled abuse as they roared past. Nobody stopped!
I hopped off my bike, crossed the busy road and told her I would give her a push into a nearby allotment; the cars continued to honk and roar past.
The people of my small town seem like decent folk, and I know not everyone has the capacity to push a car, but the anger that was seemingly being leveled at this woman, when she clearly needed help, surprised me.
It got me thinking that modern vehicles isolate people and afford a level of anonymity such that they are estranged from what they would normally consider decent behavior. There seems to be a distinct similarity to online trolls or people hiding behind false facebook profiles to treat people as they would never treat them to their face?
It shouldn’t matter how anonymous you feel, if you disrespect others then deep down you disrespect yourself and you cannot remain anonymous to yourself forever!
A little kindness goes a long way, even if nobody knows that you are doing it!
When planting a seed, you can only ever reap what you have sown.
A quote I heard during a conversation about workplace coaching was along the lines of:
“I plant the seed and see what grows”.
My first thought was: “if you plant an apple seed you will only ever grow apples”!
Upon further thought I realised that what the person was talking about was not workplace coaching but mentoring; You want defined outcomes so you plant specific seeds.
True coaching is not about planting seeds that limit outcomes, but asking the right questions to help people realise the answers within themselves. If you plant a dozen apple seeds the most you can expect is a dozen apple trees. But, if you ask a dozen different people the right coaching questions you will get an infinite amount of possibilities!
A great coach will never sow seeds, but will instead uncover the seeds that are already buried within the fertile soil of the coachee; seeds of infinite possibilities!
Ask Yourself Often
Am I Investing in Myself?
An investment in yourself is an investment in your future. Like any investment, a little effort each day compounds over time to become a massive return in your future. Investing in yourself is not about being selfish and always putting yourself first. Go out with friends but spend time getting to know yourself. Read to learn but live life daily. Exercise and eat healthy but indulge occasionally. Strive to attain but rejuvenate often. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Little sacrifices made now will benefit you in the long term. Investing in yourself is never wasted effort, it will also advantage your family, friends and community. Invest wisely, Invest often!
When Intent Leads to Inner Turmoil
Intent is awesome, it is a picture in our mind of something we want to achieve!
The problem begins when intent is not followed by action! Intent is an inner thought process that cannot be perceived by others; they can only see our actions.
Sometimes our intent is overtaken by events –we intend to offer assistance but somebody else helps out first- this is OK and we move on quickly.
If our intent is something more (One day I intend to do…?…!) then it will cause inner torment if we are not doing something each day to help realise our intent.
If our actions don’t meet our intent then it causes what Psychologists call Cognitive Dissonance (psychological stress) because our actions are inconsistent with our thoughts.
Intention is the mother of invention as things are created in our thoughts before they are physically created. If we want to avoid inner torment caused by Dissonance then we must follow intent with action, our deeds must equal our thoughts!
We are judged not by our intent, but by our actions. Take action today!
Never Too Late
The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago,
the second best time is today.
Stephen Covey.
Stephen Covey reminds us not only that we cannot have things today without past effort, but if we want results in the future we must also do something positive today.
It is no good lamenting the tree we should have planted twenty years ago, we must plant the seeds today that will grow into the majestic future we desire.
Be the wise cat
Do you ever feel like a young cat chasing a piece of string? Leaping on one opportunity after another only to have it slip through your paws just when you thought you had it pinned down. Notice the wise cat when chasing string. They make a couple of pounces at the start so you keep dangling the string. Then they feign disinterest and sit back to wash or pretend to look away. They still have their eyes on the string, they are just waiting for the best opportunity to pounce; when they do it will catch everyone by surprise. Be the wise cat and keep your eyes peeled for every opportunity, but conserve energy so that you can pounce with vigour on the right one. You may surprise everyone!
Be your own Author.
Life is like reading, if you lose your bookmark and read a few pages again then this might be OK. But if you keep reading the same chapter over and over you cannot move forward. Today is your bookmark, the rest of the book will not make sense if you forget about all that has come before, but you need to keep the story going and author your own adventure!
Never stop growing!
How we view the world will dictate how we interact with it. Do not be afraid of trying to understand views that are different from your own, you may realise that your view is not what you thought it was. If we do not advance the way we view the world then we are not learning, not evolving, not living!
Creating Positives 